11/25/11

The Art Of The Wedding

(Long post)
Obviously, this is my blog but let me restate that these are MY opinions. 
Everyone's experience may not have been the same as mine.

Weddings...DON'T FEED INTO THE HYPE. 
If you're not into reading a long post, that's basically the message.
Don't feed into the big business of weddings.
It's a show.
A show for other people.
Alot of whom think they are entitled to the grandest performance of THEIR lifetime...and won't slip you a dime to pay for it.


I'm going to be brutally honest.
I enjoyed my wedding. 
I actually had a blast.
But I did NOT enjoy every element of making it happen.
Quite honestly, I was in tears probably for a solid month before the wedding.
People were straight tripping.
At one point, I stopped taking calls from a few people for a while. 
I'm not an overly emotional person but I am a witness... things/people will break you DOWN!
And it was not because I was a bridezilla.
I would tell you if I was...but I reallllly wasn't.
I just wanted the ceremony that we would both enjoy.
That might mean different things to different people.
For us, that meant a surprise laid back, cocktail affair.
For others, that means the bridesmaids, white doves, unity candle and the singing of Ave' Maria.



Things I've learned:

1. Weddings bring out the best/worst in people
2. People feel entitled to give you their opinion when you don't ask for it.
3. You really see who your true friends/family are during this process. REALLY!
4. People's willingness to help greatly depends on where they are  in terms of their thoughts on "relationships/marriages." Example: If a person never had their own wedding a million years ago or just got recently divorced, their reaction to wedding details/planning/relevance MIGHT mirror those feelings.
5. PEOPLE are ALLERGIC to RSVP'ing! It drove me nuts (Truth... I've been guilty of it in the past...this wedding has changed me. I will RSVP in a heartbeat now!)
6. If people want to help you, they will. And you won't have to chase them down to do it.
7. People will enjoy your wedding experience if you stay true to who you both are.
Example: I'm not an outdoors-y girl so having an outdoor wedding would not have made sense.
8. Never underestimate the power of networking.
9. A low key wedding does not mean you have to sacrifice your vision or quality. 
10. People will bring kids to your ADULT ONLY wedding even when you print it on the wedding invitation with GLITTER and even have direct conversations with them. People DO what they want to. But honestly, by the time the day arrives, and you're in the moment, you won't care. But that doesn't stop you from doing a double take or a quick side eye when you notice a baby crying in the background.



(American Apparel Turtleneck/ Thrifted Skirt and bag, Jessica Simpson Heels, F21 earrings, random bracelets)

Things you should do.
1. Have a friend/family member with a camera to take snapshots the whole night. It will tide you over until you get your official pics come in.
2. Focus on things you love, not things you THINK you should have.
Example: I'm not into flowers, so I didn't have any. (Except my surprise bouqet from my friend.)
Example: I didn't have programs. Are they necessary? Do you really need to know the order of events? Relax and go with the flow or leave.
3. Write down your speech  or a list of people whom you want to thank. 
4. Allow your family/friends to help.
Example: A family friend made our wedding cake/cupcakes. 


5. No matter your budget...YOU NEED an event planner/coordinator. Letting someone else handle the details  will allow you to enjoy your day. Whether it is a hired professional or a cousin who is really loud and bossy...it's necessary.
6. Expect a person(s) whom you never would suspect to let you down. Whether it is a friend or a family member. It will happen.
7. Take note of the ones who go above and beyond the call of duty. 
8. Consider venues that will allow you to bring outside catering/beverages/bar. It really does make a world of difference. We got so lucky with our venue. Think of the friends/family members who live in nice neighborhoods/apartment complexes who have access to clubhouses. You'd be amazed!
9. Think outside of the box for all things! I got my wedding dress off the rack at Dillard's for about $100. 
10.  Expect some drama on your wedding day. If you're lucky, you will never know about it. If you're drunk, you won't care about it.  (I was neither unfortunately, so I caught wind of a few dramatic moments.)




Be sure to incorporate elements of your style as a couple in the details. 
Example: Instead of a traditional guest book, we had our guests sign playing cards because we enjoy Scrabble Card Games.
Most importantly, only invite people whom you would miss if they didn't show up. 
Invite a room full of people who genuinely love and support you...those are the people you want to feed and get drunk.
It really is about you and your spouse.
 Everything and everybody else is so secondary.

Would I ever plan such an event again?
Only if I got paid to do so:)

38 comments:

GFS said...

You hit it right on the mark! I just had a relative get married with simple decorations and requests and she's happy. But people got on her nerves! In the end, she did what she wanted and is now a happy two week old newlywed!

GFS said...

I have to amen this post! I particularly agree with the statement regarding who to invite...I've always felt that if I don't associate with you on "my personal time," why invite you to my wedding. The wedding was beautiful!!

GFS said...

BRAVO!! So well put.

I keep saying this; make that day about the TWO OF YOU, don't go overboard trying to impress and keep the guest list to people you really love and care about. You want to remember the day as a wonderful, beautiful, love filled day shared with close family/friends. Not some over the top musical production, full of drama (and yes there may still be a little), with a bunch of people you really don't know or care about. Most importantly, know your limit when it comes to MONEY!!! Not having a BIG budget doesn't mean you can't have a beautiful wedding. It just means you get to be more creative and have more fun making the day a wonderful day to remember!! ;-)



Carsedra of:

http://embracingtherealme.blogspot.com/

http://sweets4yourtooth.blogspot.com/

GFS said...

Good word about weddings. I like your ideas and observations. If I get married (again!) I will certainly 'borrow' some of your ideas - minus the alcohol.

GFS said...

Great post!!!!! My boyfriend and I want the same thing: small wedding with only people that matter!!!
WWW.STYLE4CURVES.BLOGSPOT.COM

GFS said...

Love the post! Lawd knows people get all bent out of shape about weddings (especially when it's not their own). Me and hubby went to the courthouse and went out to eat afterwards. I loved every minute of it, and now... 10 years later, I would marry him all over again, and wouldn't change a thing.

And thanks for providing a bit of inspiration on how I'm going to attempt to re-purpose my maxi dress! ;) You look great!

http://ticka-spoonfullofsugar.blogspot.com/

GFS said...

Again this is probably the only wedding I have gone to where I didn't want to vomit! I had a great time and I saw so much of you and Sean in the event.

GFS said...

I am in love with this post. I never got to say this after my wedding and there were so many "opinions". We plan on doing it again at our 10 year and making it only the people we car about.
Yoli
http://divaindeepthought.blogspot.com

GFS said...

This post is so true! I am an avid reader/follower of your blog and have never commented but I can attest to what you are talking about. I recently got married and reading your post was like reading my own mind.

GFS said...

Thank you for reading and congrats on your wedding! I wasn't prepared for alot of the stuff that I encountered. It is so easy to turn into a bridezilla...people push you to it! LOL

GFS said...

LOL! You are crazy Trina! I'm glad that you didn't throw up in your mouth! LOL

GFS said...

That was some great advice and i plan on keeping this post in my head whenever i start planning my wedding. Thanks
http://kellymonroe.blogspot.com

RocquelleIsLovely said...

This is such a great and on point post!! You look lovely in this mostly black ensemble too dear!

P.S. Will you send me a pic of the Scrabble Cards? I'm very curious about how they turned out!

GFS said...

Co-signing everything you said!

Angie R.

GFS said...

too funny...but true. If I did it all over again I'd want something simple, it's a waste of money having such a big wedding

GFS said...

Well said! Bravo. I totally agree with this concept for weddings.

GFS said...

Oh my I just got engaged Thursday and people are already annoying me. LOL

MrsSaditty said...

Delurking to say that this is the truest blog post that I have EVER read. Too many people concentrate on the wedding and not the marriage.

GFS said...

I love each and every detail about your wedding.
I am not one for tradition and your off-the-cuff event has greatly inspired me!!!

GFS said...

You and I are seriously so much alike... your number one sounded like me so much. Me and J didn't go the tradtional route, we didn't have a wedding.... but if we did I was adamant, NO FRIGGIN PROGRAMS!!!!

Your creativity mirrors my best friend Rita's.. I absolutely love the Scrabble card idea but would've never thought of it on my own.

GFS said...

1st! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! 2nd! Thank you for stopping by my blog and for your heartfelt support and comments!!!! 3rd! AMAZING!!!! I'm not planning a wedding or anywhere close to planning, but I did read this in its entirety because I thought it was so honest and real!

www.marleysimonestyle.com

GFS said...

Love this dress on you!

GFS said...

well love the brutally honest post here! i am sure you are right on all counts. i am not sure if i could ever handle marriage (and/or a wedding -- ack -- ACK!!!), but i will come back to this post in the event that that changes!

GFS said...

Love the black with the brown-colored accessories! And your earrings are amazing.

Thanks for stopping by my blog too :)

xo,Cortnie
http://stylelustpages.com

GFS said...

Love your blog, love your wedding pics and I will be trying to recreate this outfit tomorrow! XXX

GFS said...

SO true and insightful.. but only a bride can look back with your intelligence.. have to go thru the process first. EXPERIENCE!!!

I cannot believe your dress was $100!!!! It looks like a designer gown that was shortened to your liking. BEAUTIFUL.

xx-

www.samplesize16.com

GFS said...

You DID IT!!!! you know I'm giving you the *side eye* on a couple of points, you're quite hilarious Reiko-co-la!

GFS said...

Side eye in an "inside joke" kind of way!

GFS said...

p.s. I am enjoying this all black ensemble!

GFS said...

Ssssshhhhh *snickers*
www.godsfavoriteshoes.com
11th Commandment: Thou Style Shall Never Be Sacrificed.

GFS said...

Love your "Jessies"....what is the name of that pump?

GFS said...

Hmmm. I have no idea. I've had them over a year. www.godsfavoriteshoes.com
11th Commandment: Thou Style Shall Never Be Sacrificed.

GFS said...

When he finds me I plan to do a Carrie Bradshaw on folks. Courthouse and dinner someplace and off to a long overdue vacation spot for two weeks. This all black ensemble screams rich and fabulous. Love the bangles and heels.

GFS said...

I'm late reading this 0_o but my granny ALWAYS says, "if you want to see folks truly act a fool then plan a wedding or a funeral!" Words to live by! I've never planned either but I've already decided that honey and I are doing destination when we DO get married! If it were just he and I and our kids I'd be okay. Thanks for all of the tips and advice!

GFS said...

I am an official lurker, but I loved looking over your wedding photos. I'm not much of a wedding lover but I would have loved to have been there-it looked so much fun. Now when I think of great weddings, I think of what I've seen of your wedding. If I ever get married, I would LOVE to have a wedding that truly reflects me....You may get roped in to being a wedding planner! You should consider it! Congrats to you and the hubby!

GFS said...

Aww thank you so much! People ask me to think about event planning but I barely made it through my own! Lol www.godsfavoriteshoes.com
11th Commandment: Style Shall Never Be Sacrificed.

GFS said...

I love your site and visit often but have never commented before. However, your topic today is so tempting I can't help myself. Thank you for being so honest! You're completely right about all the wedding drama and I agree with you. I too did have a great time at my wedding but only because it was a big party. It did feel like it was for everyone else in the initial planning and my hubby and I had to fight to make it our own. Thanks again for the honesty about this and as always for the fashion inspiration.

GFS said...

You made a lot of sense dear...I could hug you.......

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