4/2/13

People Say The Darndest Things


I remember in my 20's I would meet guys or even friends that I haven't seen in a while and the first question would be "How many kids you got?"
I would say none and then watch as my answer slowly registered in their brain. 
The concept of not having a kid at an early age was/is so foreign to most people.
Note, that no one ever asked,
"Are you married?"
No one ever asked that. 

(Dress from H&M, Steve Madden Sandals, Thrifted clutch/belt, Aldo earrings) 

Well now that I'm 37 and pregnant, I'm getting the opposite end of that questioning. 
A few weeks ago I ran into a family friend. 
I mean she literally remembers when I was born. 
She sees me.
Notices my belly and says, "Girl! You pregnant at your age?"
Ummm. I just looked and stared. 
What the hell kind of question is that?!?
So, I play nice and kind of give her the old "ha ha he he" giggle with no smile. 
That doesn't stop her. 



She goes on to say "Girl, why you wait so late!?! Shoot, you supposed to be over that point."
(I'm thinking, "Umm aren't 3 of your grandkids in jail?")
Now, at this point I have cocked my head to the side. 
I have a choice. 
I can just half ass giggle or I can let her have it. 
The old Reiko (I changed as of November 2012 when I went on a rampage of telling people how I felt but decided in the New Year to bite my tongue more) wanted to say, "Ummm ma'am, just because you had your first child at 12 and was a grandmother at the age of 24 doesn't mean that I'm abnormal."


But that's the old Reiko.
I'm not like that anymore. So I just giggled and cursed under my breath. 
She was a family friend after all.
I suppose she gets a pass because she's known me since birth.
But it really pisses me off that people feel a need to comment on age. 
Nobody was saying "OoOh girl," when I became a homeowner at the age of 25.
Nobody was asking questions when I completed my master's degree.
So people would have been happier if I was 17 and knocked up or had a baby out of wedlock. 
I'm not judging those who went that route but don't judge me because I did it my way.
People say the darndest things. 
But like I said...I'm different as of Nov. 2012:)

''P.S. My theme song is "I'm Different"by Two Chainz. That's been my mantra every time the Old Reiko wants to make an appearance. 

*7 more weeks to go until the baby is here!*

35 comments:

Tammie said...

It is a crying shame that the abnormal is made the norm in society, so people are more willing to accept circumstances,(women that have babies without the assurance of support from the fathers and/or financial security), that outnumber what should be... You built a foundation to support your family. How many people actually do that these days? Plus, that situation was a test and you passed!

GFS said...

You look so pretty in all your mommy to be pictures!! Family and family friends always are the ones. Hmph! I despise when people bring age into it. You're doing YOU how you wanted to do it and that's Fabulous! I'm glad you are different and held it together. I'm on the opposite end of that spectrum. My family would say things and I would just brush them off. Now I go IN full blast barrels loaded and it feels good! Keep doing you! :)

GFS said...

Oh you are better than me. Family friend or not sometimes people need to be checked. Stating things they don't need to said. It's sad that one can do everything right but looked at crazy. Girl boo bye. Keep fab & looking forward to the introduction of Zara when she debuts :)

Sunny LouisvilleSlugger said...

Wooooow. I am speechless. Good job on not going in though, especially while being pregnant (I was on edge constantly. Lol).

You look absolutely beautiful, and I kinda hate you for it. :)

Sunny LouisvilleSlugger said...

Wooooow. I am speechless. Good job on not going in though, especially while being pregnant (I was on edge constantly. Lol).

You look absolutely beautiful, and I kinda hate you for it. :)

Ro said...

Lawddd I know this...oh so well and im the same Ro...that will get that ass alll the way together. I got that all the time . Ole heffa!!- anyway u look mighty fly per ususal...your in the homestretch now...amazing shits abt to go down soon ;-):-)

Consider Me Lovely said...

First of all, you look stunning!! You know I'm not usually about the all black life, but that dress is beautiful on you, and I like the pop of mint with the side braid. I can TOTALLY relate! It's as though something is wrong with me for being 27 and childless, and oh you should see the looks I get when I say I don't want any. Ooo chile!!! I'm so excited about Zara's arrival in 7 weeks. Even though I don't hold babies much, I just want to look at her and buy her clothes, lol.

GFS said...

We different, yeah we different! Those were fun times, though, weren't they? "Kill yo self. put yoursef in a trash compactor and press the on button. Kill yo self. run onto I-45 during non rush hour traffic. and then let them reverse and do it again." #BestConvoEver People be trying it though, dont they??? BTW you look awesome!

GFS said...

@Juanette ! I forgot about that conversation! You see what a difference a few months can make?  (Cues Color Purple) "See Daddy, sinners have souls too!)
@Ro : Girl!!!!!!!!!! Aren't you proud of me! People really have big nerve these days!

@Consider me Lovely (Rocquelle) So you know exactly how I feel. And there is no judgement coming from me about holding a baby. Do you know how many times people will have a baby and hand the baby to me??? Ummm...I didn't ask to hold this baby! So no pressure on that from me! She will take your gifts though!

The 11th Commandment: Style Shall NEVER Be Sacrificed
Reiko at God's Favorite Shoes
www.godsfavoriteshoes.com

GFS said...

You look great, you are glowing!!!

See I have yet to get to that point where I bite my tongue all the time. I am getting better at it though, but maaaaaaan does my face say it all, LOL!!! Sometimes I don't have to say anything people will look at my face and see how I feel!! I had my son before I got married (in my late 20's) yeah I wish I had waited until I was married, but hey what can I do. I ended up marrying my sons father so, it all worked out in the end, lol!! Strange how our world is so backwards in thinking or expecting everyone to have kids before they get married and at an early age!!! I guess some think it's the norm.........

Carsedra of:
http://www.embracingtherealme.com/
http://sweets4yourtooth.blogspot.com/

GFS said...

LOL! No, I'm trying not to go full blast anymore. Only because I became irate and at the end I don't want anything to do with that person anymore. I'm trying to let go, let God more. Especially while being pregnant but in general, I've been just smiling more and cussing less lol!

The 11th Commandment: Style Shall NEVER Be Sacrificed
Reiko at God's Favorite Shoes
www.godsfavoriteshoes.com

GFS said...

I get comments like this because I am 28 with no kiddos and I don't want any. Oh the judgement!

GFS said...

I adopted at age 38. Some people assume I'm the grandmother. A woman can physically have a child until she goes through menopause and adopt at any age. Why would people assume becoming a mother past 30 is odd? God knows what He's doing. People make (ignorant) statements based on their own reality. Wear your mommy bump with pride!

GFS said...

OMG you are so beautiful, I will 29 in 3 weeks and I get the "how many kids you got?" every day. I probably won't have children until my 30s as well and you are absolutely right no one gets excited about the accomplishments that you would think. They expect the typical things, but just remember how unusual you are!!

GFS said...

I always say to each his own but it's down right rude to make comments like that. I would have blasted her...I haven't made any changes lol! You look good mama! Those earrings are FABO!

GFS said...

Oh man, I like your old response so much better! SMH... what's wrong w/people...?

GFS said...

Hold up...wait a minute! You are 37? Child I thought you were in your 20s. I was a young mother and made the decision to end my child bearing years at the tender age of 30. There were advantages and disadvantages alike. I wasn't really prepared financially. Prayerfully I had a very supportive family. Advantage, I was active and had a whole lot of energy for my children and still can give them a run for their money at 49. LOL 37 is farrrrrrrrrrrrrrr from too old and there are plenty of women who are waiting to their later years to have children. I say KUDOS to you! Many blessings to you and your family and I'll be praying for a safe and joyful delivery! ((SOFT HUGS))

GFS said...

I particularly enjoy when I run into to people and they ask, "Oh. You STILL married?"
*balck stare*
Um, yes, HEAUX for 13 happy years and I intend to stay that way. :-/
I truly don't understand what is wrong with people. You look AMAZE and glowy. :-)

GFS said...

I'm 37 and pregnant too - just 12 weeks so I have a ways to go. I too waited to be married to a good man and we waited until the time was right. When my mom told my cousin who is the same age but has 4 kids and lives on the farm where she was raised - she was shocked! She couldn't believe I wanted children at my age. Well, I've had a lot more life experience in those years (travel, moving, jobs, etc) that I feel make me MORE prepared to have children now than when I was in my 20's. I couldn't have imagined it - I wanted to stay young and free as long as possible! And now...I'm ready! :)

GFS said...

Amen!

GFS said...

Who says "are you still married!?!" Wow!

GFS said...

People have some nerve! The old Reiko's response was probably the one she would have gotten from me, ugh!

GFS said...

First of all, you look beautiful!

As someone who works with many people of that same mindset...I can only say I understand. When I tell the mother of a 13 year old I am working with who is pregnant that I would like a baby, she is stunned. She is 28 and her 13 year old is having her first grandkid. She can not fathom that at 36 I would like a baby.

I am glad you ignored her. You won : ).

GFS said...

You are doing good Lady! Very excited for you, I wish you a smooth and joyous delivery. Congrat on the new addition to your family!

Simplybee said...

Lawd chile you good! Cuz I woulda cut her for sure! #cutwithwords lol! You look MARVELOUSDARLING!

GFS said...

Ugh. People are so annoying. I was out with my family friend who used to babysit me when I was a baby & she was a teen. She just recently had her first child, and one day she & I were out to lunch. The young woman at the counter asked my friend if I was her daughter. I am 23. It was literally shocking, and she didn't seem to realize how much she had offended her. People should just zip it! You look amazing, by the way :)


-Emily
www.herphilly.com

GFS said...

I never make comments but let me tell you that this struck a chord with me. Reiko I am 36 and just trying to have my first baby. I have been married once before now. Funny how my friends have kids going to college now because they were born before we got out of high school but somehow it's a joke that I am doing this now.... I am all for biting your tongue sometimes but sometimes you have to give the people what they want. Congrats on the baby! I hope it is a girl.

GFS said...

It's a girl:) isn't that crazy how people have the nerve to judge .

GFS said...

43 here, and have not had my first baby yet. Should I have gotten knocked up on my own when no man came along? No. I do nothing according to other people's schedules or intentions. Why would any woman be less entitled to the same happiness just because she didn't follow someone else's closed-minded timetable? Nope. You are fantastic, and just know I would have been thrilled to have done it 6 years ago myself, if things had worked out that way. Just stay on the road less traveled, girl. It's lonely for us trailblazers, because WE'RE IN FRONT.

GFS said...

I agree totally. It's crazy to me!

GFS said...

Amen sister! Amen

GFS said...

Ok seriously? People actually ask that?? The world is just becoming something else!!!smh

GFS said...

I Couldn't help LOL while reading your comments....bear in mind I am at work. So happy I found your blog. I too had my daughter at 37 and she will be 10 this year. I could so relate to all those comments from people about when we were planning to have a baby.....Congrats and Blessings as you embark on this new important adventure (smile)!!

GFS said...

Thank you! Chile! People were doing the most with their opinions! And welcome to my blog! I apologize for nothing lol
Reiko

GFS said...

I loved this post. I will be 27 in October and people act like I'm crazy for not having 2,3,4 kids. Mind you, the ones that comment most are the ones with no husband and children by 3 different men. My mother had me at 38 and I loved my upbringing. My mother was so much wiser and patient. I am waiting until my mid thirties to have my first child as well! Congratulations! She's beautiful!

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