Tom Ford's Loss

So, I stumbled into SAKS a few days ago...(stumbled because according to the U.S. Census I should only shop at the dollar store). I was browsing and came across the most phenomenal pair of sunglasses that I have ever seen in my life. They were everything that a pair of shades should be. I tried them on and I promise I saw my unborn children in the reflection. (Don't know how that fits but paints a pretty vivid picture doesn't it?)

They were by Tom Ford. Now, I know who he is. He is the genius behind Gucci and then his own line and most recently the movie "A Single Man." Yes, I know who he is. I only really know that anytime I read about him or see him in interviews, my inside voice always whispers that he is hot and so perfectly groomed. The point is I have never been that into Tom Ford "the brand",  mainly because I have yet to see any of his pieces at Marshall's on the clearance rack...doubt that I ever will.

But at that moment, when I placed those beautiful butterfly shaped sunglasses on my face, it was almost like my eyes were seeing for the first time. So I held them in my hand thinking that maybe just maybe I would be walking out of the store with them. I even tried on different colors. Black? Nah. Tan? Nope. Brown? Perfect!
(notice the slight smile)

I pictured myself walking and rolling my eyes at people but looking so chic in the sunglasses that those people would just smile back at me ...if they just didn't fall to their knees to bow down in praise. I imagined myself walking into my school where I teach and an announcement being made over the intercom that my sunglasses were so beautifully made for my face that I was the ONLY teacher allowed to wear sunglasses in class! I even envisioned what my children might look like with Tom Ford as the father.

I think you get it. Those sunglasses were the business! So, then I had a momentary lapse in judgement and looked at the price.....$420!!!! In American Dollars? IS. HE. STUPID!?!? I can't afford that! Do you know how many illegally smuggled cell phones and bags of Hot Cheetos a person in jail can buy with $420 on their books!?!?

At that precise moment, my shock turned into rage and I placed those all of a "sudden hideous looking things" back on the rack and stormed out of the store! TOM FORD should be so LUCKY to have my baby! Never. It was over. I broke up with him. If I had his number, I would have called him to inform him!
(notice the smile is gone)

So, that relationship is over. But the more I simmered over the brief affair, I realized that I had not given Tom Ford a chance. So, Tom...if you are reading this, you can make this up to me by just sending me the sunglasses. We could be good together. The sunglasses style name is even comfirmation that we should be a family. You named the style NICO. That's really close to my name...Reiko. It's meant to be. We could have named our kid Nico after the sunglasses that started are love affair.

Tom, Just send them. No note. No flowers. No card. No apology. Just send them and I in turn will consider being in a psueudo internet relationship with you again.  You can either do that or be warned that I am in good with the peeps at Target. I will have them make a knock off of those shades so fast, you'll spend most of your time in court trying to get the bootleggers to stop hustling those babies for 10 bucks. And trust me, the bootlegers I know even have Tax ID numbers.That's not worth it, is it?
(photo credit: Tom Ford Site)

Tom, have your people, call my people...or email my people at godsfavoriteshoes@yahoo.com.
 I won't even ask for alimony or spousal support.

Sorry for the camera phone shots...No camera with me and that day was a lonnnng day.


Writing Without Periods! said...

I love those glasses too. Can I get in on the deal :-) ? I won't take any flowers either.

CaneWife said...


Hey, you never know if you don't ask!

They did look fabulous on you, though...

Anonymous said...

Love your blog -so glad I found it. You are a funny lady . . .with great taste!!! Come visit me sometime at:

Courtnee said...

first, you look fab in those shades! but good grief this post made me laugh..a good snort/spit water on my keyboard laugh and i needed one of those:)

ps-keeping my fingers crossed that hings work out with tom.

Kyla said...

So, I got all caught up in your funnyness yesterday and forgot to say:
Hello?! I didn't know you were engaged! Holla! Congratulations! I hope I hear from you ;)

Alluring Interiors said...

You have got to have the most HIGH-LARI-OUS Blog, I've ever come across...It reminds me of Bridget Jones's Diary! Love it!

Marion Renee said...

I love it!! LOL funny! I sincerely hope you get those specks... you make them look good girl!

FashionAddict said...

Um, yeah, those are bad ass. He should totally send you a pair, lol :)

drollgirl said...

um, i saw these on a billboard a while back and SQUEALED aloud. i thought i had to have them. and then i found them on-line, and i saw the price. and this poor (literally) girl almost cried.

p.s. tom is gay all day, so i don't think you would have to do anything UNTOWARD for him if he gave you these glasses. in case you were concerned at all, i thought i'd mention that.

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