They were by Tom Ford. Now, I know who he is. He is the genius behind Gucci and then his own line and most recently the movie "A Single Man." Yes, I know who he is. I only really know that anytime I read about him or see him in interviews, my inside voice always whispers that he is hot and so perfectly groomed. The point is I have never been that into Tom Ford "the brand", mainly because I have yet to see any of his pieces at Marshall's on the clearance rack...doubt that I ever will.
But at that moment, when I placed those beautiful butterfly shaped sunglasses on my face, it was almost like my eyes were seeing for the first time. So I held them in my hand thinking that maybe just maybe I would be walking out of the store with them. I even tried on different colors. Black? Nah. Tan? Nope. Brown? Perfect!
(notice the slight smile)
I pictured myself walking and rolling my eyes at people but looking so chic in the sunglasses that those people would just smile back at me ...if they just didn't fall to their knees to bow down in praise. I imagined myself walking into my school where I teach and an announcement being made over the intercom that my sunglasses were so beautifully made for my face that I was the ONLY teacher allowed to wear sunglasses in class! I even envisioned what my children might look like with Tom Ford as the father.
I think you get it. Those sunglasses were the business! So, then I had a momentary lapse in judgement and looked at the price.....$420!!!! In American Dollars? IS. HE. STUPID!?!? I can't afford that! Do you know how many illegally smuggled cell phones and bags of Hot Cheetos a person in jail can buy with $420 on their books!?!?
At that precise moment, my shock turned into rage and I placed those all of a "sudden hideous looking things" back on the rack and stormed out of the store! TOM FORD should be so LUCKY to have my baby! Never. It was over. I broke up with him. If I had his number, I would have called him to inform him!
(notice the smile is gone)
So, that relationship is over. But the more I simmered over the brief affair, I realized that I had not given Tom Ford a chance. So, Tom...if you are reading this, you can make this up to me by just sending me the sunglasses. We could be good together. The sunglasses style name is even comfirmation that we should be a family. You named the style NICO. That's really close to my name...Reiko. It's meant to be. We could have named our kid Nico after the sunglasses that started are love affair.
Tom, Just send them. No note. No flowers. No card. No apology. Just send them and I in turn will consider being in a psueudo internet relationship with you again. You can either do that or be warned that I am in good with the peeps at Target. I will have them make a knock off of those shades so fast, you'll spend most of your time in court trying to get the bootleggers to stop hustling those babies for 10 bucks. And trust me, the bootlegers I know even have Tax ID numbers.That's not worth it, is it?
(photo credit: Tom Ford Site)
Tom, have your people, call my people...or email my people at firstname.lastname@example.org.
I won't even ask for alimony or spousal support.
Sorry for the camera phone shots...No camera with me and that day was a lonnnng day.