All Good Things

I'm just coming back from The Curvy Con in New York, and I'm still trying to process it all. It was the longest yet the most rewarding business trip.

So, I'm going to skip my musings for a day and just direct you to my Curvy Con/NYC recap on God's Favorite Surprises.

You'll see why it's hard to process it all.

All good things.

Click here!

Dress: ASOS (Of course) Click here
Shoes: Steve Madden (old)
Bag: Zara (sold out)

Sidenote: Please tweet ASOS on my behalf and tell them that they should consider having me as a brand ambassador/social influencer because everything I wear is from them! Click here
#iaintsorry

Simple Girl

 

I find joy in the simplest things lately.

Little stuff.

Things most people overlook.

For example, I began this random habit of drinking hot water, honey and lemon every morning and night.

Not for a detox.

Just because I love it.

It literally brings a smile to my face when I can sit down and enjoy a hot cup of water, honey and lemon.

 

 

 

My daughter and I went to Walmart the other day. While she was in the basket, she randomly told me she needed a hug.

I stopped what I was doing just to give her a hug in the middle of the aisle.

Those are the things that bring me joy.

I'm pretty sure it has a lot to do with being a mom or getting older wiser.

But the simplest things bring me joy. 

 Not an Apple Watch.

Not the latest shoe.

Not having the dopest car.

Simple things.

No fuss.

That goes for my style lately too.

I love a layered outfit.

But I adore when I can throw on a few pieces in its simplest form and feel like it speaks to the zen up in this ratchet soul of mine.

 



 

Denim Dress: Zara (here)

Bag: Zara (here)

Shoes: Zara (don't see them online but I got them in the store about a month ago)

Glasses: Vintage

Necklace: FrugalFinds NYC

Hat: Forever 21

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Photography: Lacoste Photography



Will and Jada Pinkett Smith Lied To Me

(I've been writing this post for over a week to make sure that my intent in posting was pure and to avoid people getting all up in their feelings. (lol) I NEVER post without pictures but somehow a picture of me wearing my silver flat lace ups (so true and so cute...I digress) didn't seem right. The next post will be prettier!)

You know what's not easy...being a step-parent. Here I am looking at Will and Jada's perfectly blended family and I'm thinking that my story was going to be like theirs. #chileplease

Let's get the basics out of the way.
A.  I was asked to write about my perspective on being a step-parent by Drollgirl (read her post here) and these are my experiences. I've avoided discussing step-parenting on this platforming because...well hell....just because. 

B.  My goal is not to bash anyone but to share. That's what blogging is about. 
C.  I KNOW that I have certain people who like to keep an eye on me (baby mama's friends), so just for the record, feel free to snapshot this post and send per usual... I don't even care. *hi five*

I guess I will approach what I've learned (still learning)  as a list:

1. It's not easy. Even if you have been in the little one's life for 8 years or more (in my case), there is no automatic button that says that we are gonna get it right on the first try. Circumstances are different for different families. Baby mamas, overzealous grandmothers, outside influences....all of that plays a HUGE part in how your blended family turns out. In my case, it was the case of a not so awesome biological mother (again...my opinion), an over protective (and downright disrespectful)  maternal grandmother and a child who had her own agenda. Great recipe for foolywang pie.

2. Everyone will give you their opinion even when you don't ask for it. NOTHING boiled my blood more than having other people's opinion on how I should handle my household. In my case, my husband and I were constantly explaining our parenting decisions to other people who don't live in our home 24 hours a day. They weren't there when the little one decided to steal and wear your panties (a moment to gasp). True story, I seriously thought I was losing underwear like socks for about a month until we figured out what was going on. I can't wait to laugh about this with her when she is an adult.  Or when you found full sandwiches hidden in closets for months. You hear a whole lot of "you should" or "I woulda" or "what you need to do". 

3. Step-parents automatically become the bad guy. It's written in the bible somewhere I bet. (Just kidding). But that's the deal. No matter how well you treat your new child. No matter how many "just me and you hanging out dates" you have with her. It doesn't matter if you spent an entire day on Pinterest pinning hairstyles to do for her. YOU WILL be the bad person. Anytime something went down, I got the stank eye. The whole "oh you just don't seem to like her" very much eye. Or the "You don't have kids so you must not know how to handle a child" eye. So annoying. I got a bad rap/rep from everybody. People I know. People I don't know. People who don't know me. People who think they know everything. Everybody. It took me years to stand in my truth and just decide that I know I was a positive parental authority. I knew that I was providing a home with love and nurturing but what shocked everyone's (the kid, the baby mama, the controlling grandma) was that we believed in discipline. More specifically, consequences. If you had a bad grade in class, you had consequences. That's when all hell broke loose. Nobody was used to that and it pissed everybody off.

4.  DON'T LET OTHER PEOPLE RUN YOUR HOUSEHOLD. Because they will try. In my case, it was the  (maternal) grandmother who was trying to dictate what happiness looked like in our home and also the old "let me call my mom and tell her every single thing that happens in my new home that I don't like and let's try to make it sound like a dungeon while I'm at it" trick. I've got stories for days. Everybody's hand in the pot caused a major breakdown in my first year of marriage. There were times when I cried because I didn't want to come home to real life. But not because it was so terrible but because I was so busy trying to be the "nice step-mom" and please the child, the step-mama, the grandparents.  I was so scared that I was getting judged (I was by the way) that I would be quiet or let things slide out of fear. I had to let that ish go! Because Little Bit was running a number on us all. The  minute I decided to stand firm to what my husband and I deemed acceptable in OUR house hold...the better things got for us as a couple. People like to see a house divided. Whether it be a disgruntled child, or a shady baby mama or a know it all grandmother who wouldn't let my husband be a father or me be the woman in my own household.

5. It takes time. The "Will and Jada" movement can be the result if everyone is on the same page. BUT the adults MUST be on the same page. That wasn't my truth. That's not what happened in my case. Instead of fighting it, my husband and I went through some major challenges and decided that we are not going to back down from what works for our household. Once all parties realized that we were a unit and that chaotic relationships was not on our agenda, people began to fall back slowly but surely.

6.  There is no  guide to step-parenting (parenting in general). Would I love a fairy tale ending where we all take a blended family picture  with both sides of the family and all the kids/step kids in it...sure. But it's okay if that never happens. My goal these days is to treat everyone with respect and provide a healthy household for my family. 

7. Don't assume that you know what's going on behind closed doors. People assumed so much about my new family. That we were perfect. That my stepdaughter loved me. That she hated me. That my husband didn't know what he was doing. That we were strict. That we weren't strict enough. My character was challenged, tested, tried and assassinated at times. All because I was the "step-mom."

8.  A child feeds off division in a family. If a child sees that their parents are fighting each other or other people about parenting, they will use that. I grew up in a "traditional family" (meaning no step brothers/step moms...etc.) so imagine my surprise when I learned that there is a whole new dynamic to being a step child. You have a whole extra set of adults to pit against each other. It doesn't help if the child is being told/instructed/encouraged to misbehave by their mothers, etc. I also was in the middle of the "she better not discipline my child" debate. My husband always supported me but the "other side" did not. My step-daughter could have set the house on fire but I better not be the one to say something to her. That weighed heavily on me for a long time and created a lot of internal conflicts. (My husband was not about that life, he wholeheartedly believed that I should not adopt a "seen and not heard" approach)

9. Don't force it. I try to be my most authentic self at all times with everyone. To be honest, my step-daughter and I always got along. So it was never an issue of us not liking/loving each other. It's just that I think she was torn between liking me and still pledging all allegiance to her mother and other side of the family. She hated rules/consequences. That was new to her. The crazy part is that my husband was much stricter than I was/am but I always got the backlash. I just decided to just be. Not explain myself and just be.

10. EXPECT TO BE JUDGED. I am sure I covered this somewhere above but it deserves it's own individual moment. I suffered so much because I was worried about what other people thought about me. My husband's eyes were on me. The in law's eyes were on me. My sister's eyes were on me. My friends eyes were on me. Eyes were always on me. Anytime my stepdaughter and I were in the same room, I felt like people were expecting us to break out in song and dance or to start mud wrestling. Neither ever happened. I was accused of not being "maternal" before. That SUPER pissed me off and quite honestly hurt my feelings. The truth is that every kid is not going to want to lay in my bosom and lick my tears when I weep about not having a Dr. Pepper in the house. (That made me laugh)

That doesn't make me a bad person. I wanted to have fun but I felt like I wanted to be a stable and consistent parent in her life. So if we didn't walk in the room holding hands wearing matching outfits people assumed that something was wrong. Again, I had to decide to not care about what other people thought. I knew that I was a positive influence in her life. I knew that I was there to support my husband in parenting. But I also know that I have nor will I ever be one for B.S. I am not one for foolishness, tomfoolery, antics and chaos. When we (hubby and I) decided that we weren't going to fall victim to judgement and unrealistic expectations, the easier we were both able to sleep at night. 

It's kind of hard to write this post without including specific examples but I didn't want this to be a "let me tell you what happened kind of post." There are indeed some not so pretty bits/factors I am leaving out purposely to avoid ranting/over-sharing (Because, trust me I can) but my feelings are still the same.

Please believe that I have stories for days. Do/did we make mistakes. Of course! There is not a parent alive who would not admit to the same! I remember having a discussion years ago with my mom where she shared that she made some mistakes as a parent.  So, I know that it's just part of the territory.

Step parenting is a whole different beast and it is different for everyone. It took years for me to accept that. I thought it looked a certain way. You know, with the Christmas card including all step parents/step kids and dogs. But that's not always the case but that doesn't mean that it has to be a bad experience. I believe wholeheartedly that my stepdaughter will appreciate me the older she gets.

Until then...I rock on...

What's your experience as a step-parent or even as a step-child?

Transparency

 

 

I almost became one of "those" people.

You know the ones...

The "I never have anything to wear" one.

The "I'm in a rut" one.

The "I'm not happy until I lose weight" one.

The "I look horrible" one.





 

Then I realized...I'm fabulous! (twirls)

(Plus I hate people who complain...it irks my soul)

God is good.

My daughter is healthy and happy.

My family is happy.

And I've got good shoes!

 



 

(Hat/Bag/Shoes: Zara; Jeans: H&M; Top: Target)

 

I almost didn't post these pics.

I kinda looked at my thighs and went "whoaaaaa."

Then I remembered I had a baby.

And that I literally almost died due to a complication to my C-Section experience (Congestive heart failure. )

So...here I am.

You're going to hear/read a lot more from me from now on.

Ole' Sophia is back!

 

(If you're new to my blog, everything is a reference to The Color Purple or Good Times. You'll catch on:)

 

 



My Husband...The Comedian

My husband dabbles in poetry/spoken word from time to time. He gets asked to perform at weddings and different events every so often. This was filmed during a wedding reception in October of 2012. Sometimes he practices his poetry in front of me but this one he wanted me to hear for the first time at the event.

Backstory: I was probably about 6 or 7 weeks pregnant during this time and all I was really concerned about was eating. When he got up to perform, I was listening but I was also eyeing the food servers to make sure they didn't miss our table!

The first minute of the poem, I was smiling and nodding until he started to try his hand at being a comedian! I was sitting up in the balcony so I noticed he kept looking up and people were laughing and rubbing my shoulders!

When he was done, I greeted him with a fist in the air. He thinks he's funny! This must be how Rihanna feels when Chris Brown writes a song about her! I actually loved the poem even though I wanted to run up to the mic and say that's not ALL true! LOL!

This kid...

Disclaimer: He may have been a little creative with the truth. I NEVER ask him if I look fat in a dress but I am guilty of losing ALL of his socks all of the time! The dryer eats them!

Insta-Post!

Everyone is on Instagram...including me. 

Sometimes, when there's no camera around, I'll just post what I'm wearing there and not here. 

Not saying it's okay. 

Just saying it happens.

Here's what you've missed over the last few weeks.

Join me on Instagram! 

Yet, another social media way to keep up with everyone's nothings:)

ASOS dress worn to Free Thursdays at the Museum of Fine Arts- Houston.

(I kept thinking I was going to run into Solange there!)

Decided to blow out my hair one day

I wear these cut off shorts way more than you think. 

The chevron bag....just you wait!

More details soon coming from Rocquelle!

Went to bowl in this outfit to celebrate a buddy's bday.

I do love a good pair of Chucks!

Hair in a scarfed updo.

(Thrift blazer/H&M Skirt/David Bowie T)

Rocquelle arrives to our seemingly bi-monthly cupcake date with this fab updo and even better pants!

Thrift dress worn with Steve Madden wedges/Zara belt.

The hubby and I stupidly decided to start the Insanity workout video together.

This is one of our post-workout pics.

I think I'm praying and he's hallucinating.

We've gotten better since then. 

We're starting our 4th week of the workout this week.

Jesus take the wheel and drive me to the nearest piece of cake!

My Doctor is a Cartoon Character

I was supposed to tell you about the event I attended in this post.

It was the launch of Eden BodyWorks products.

But I'm going to direct you over to Naturally Nicky's post because she did a superb job of recapping the event!

I had a fabulous time hugging all of my favorite bloggers!

Instead, you are going to read about my latest adventure at the dr's office.

Without going into unnecessary details, I was referred to an endocrinologist through my insurance company.

(Don't worry, I'm fine.)

I go to the appointment early.

I notice there are A LOT of elderly people in the waiting room.

I'm not judging.

I'm just saying.

I'm 36 years old.

I didn't ask questions.

I just sat and waited.

And listened to an older couple argue about the husband not wearing his depends the night before.

Still, I sat.

And smiled.

All while questioning if I'm in the right place.
Still, I sat.

Finally, my name is called.

I chat with the nurse for a bit.

Then I wait.

All of a sudden, I see the door slowly widen and I hear this slight yet creepy "eeeee" noise.

Then I see a WALKER enter the room before  I see a body.

The DOCTOR is on a walker!

A WALKER!

African Jacket(worn backwards): Gifted by Key!

Jeans: Forever 21

Heels: Steve Madden

Bag: Zara

So, the doctor wheels in the room.

I had to actually help him sit on the stool.

He immediately says, "People think my brain is broken. It's just my hip."

I say, "Ummm, hi, my name is Reiko?"

I say my name with a question mark because I felt like I was being PUNKED!

He was not the least bit interested in knowing my name.

The doctor looks like a cross between Mr. Burns from The Simpsons and "Baby's" daddy from Dirty Dancing.

He starts to look at my chart and asked why I was there.

I told him that my insurance company referred him.

And he says, "I wonder why they did that."

SIR!

I have the same question!

He goes through my paperwork, then looks up at me and says "So, you're gonna be an old mother when you start having kids?"

(Naturally Nicky and Rocquelle)

I think I made some type of noise and then answered with an immediate "side eye."

I say, "I guess...kinda??"

Then he tells me that it's okay because he was an older father...but much preferred being a grandfather.

The amazing thing is that I still sat!

 (Ashley of Medley, Inc. and you already know Rocquelle)

He then tells me the story of breaking his hip.

(He fell from the curb of his mother n' law's home after winning a game of Gin Rummy)

He goes on to share that he only deals with senior citizens and that I should go to another specialist.

I WHOLEHEARTEDLY agree!

Then offers me Thyroid meds.

Not because I have a thyroid problem.

Nope.

Just because.

I say ok.

And made another appointment with him for next month.

I'm a glutton for punishment:)

JUST KIDDING!

Oh, I forgot to mention that he REEKED of CIGARETTES!

How do you have the bedside manner of a truck driver, look like Mr. Burns from The Simpsons, smoke cigarettes, be on a walker...and still be a DOCTOR!

That Damn Blue Cross/Blue Shield insurance company!

(I know the story doesn't match the pictures but you needed to know about my latest adventure!

Go to my FB page to see more pics of the event:)